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The Horse Owners' Dressage Test

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Relate Intermediate Level 2 (2005) 

A Proceed down the path at medium trot and halt at the front door. 

D Enter house at walk. Halt. Remove boots and spread mud and woodchip on carpet. 

DE Half circle right at working trot to kitchen. Halt at pile of washing on floor, half-hearted pass at the pile of ironing to be done and fill kettle, carefully balancing it on mound of unwashed dishes. 

KB Circle left at medium trot to freezer. Remove ready-cooked frozen meal and place in microwave. Canter down hall. Halt by sofa in living room. 

C See if person on sofa could be husband/partner. 

H Exclaim "Is that the time? Meant to be back ages ago. Dinner won't be long. You could have washed the dishes" 

HE Remove soaking wet jacket and throw over sofa, trying to avoid bits of hay and Polos falling out of pockets. 

EB Circle right at working canter to cupboard and remove Hoover. Run Hoover over carpet for 35 seconds. 

BF Working trot to microwave. Remove ready-made meal. Tip on plate. Circle left at medium trot down the hall.  Rein back at the sight of credit card bill lying on hall floor.

FA Enter sitting room and present person sitting there with food. Tell partner all about the arrival of new horse at the yard. Moan about girl who ties up outside your stables and never sweeps up her straw or hoof pickings. The state of some of the beds in the yard (big droppings left in them) and mention that the lights on the trailer need attention before the next event. 

CM Change the rein in a relaxed walk, stretching neck and back. Halt at telephone in the hall. Call the girl you spent ages talking to about half an hour ago and say you forgot to mention that the scabby judge docked you 4 marks because he spooked at a sweet wrapper. 

EB Proceed at working trot along hall. Turn right up the stairs and working canter to the bedroom. Remove smelly jods and sweaty socks and hurl them into the wash bin. Halt. Consider that you may get one more day out of them and retrieve from wash bin. 

BM Medium walk to bed and read Horse & Hound for 10 minutes before entering coma and leaving the world at A.

Purpose Of Test 
The horse owner can adopt a correct position in the house independent of marital duties.
The owner maintains a constant, acceptable contact with partner without actually doing much.
The horse owner moves freely around the house and conducts accurate movements with impulsion.
Note: Marks will be deducted for remarks such as "Does my bum look big in these jods?"

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