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Auction -
A popular, social gathering where you can change a horse from a
financial liability into a liquid asset.
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Azorturia
(Monday Morning Disease) - a condition brought on by showing horses
all weekend. Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to
get out of bed on Mondays and go to work or school.
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Bog Spavin -
The feeling of panic when riding through a
muddy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go
through water puddles.
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Bran -
A wheat by-product occasionally fed moistened to horses, most usually
applied as spackel or stucco on owner.
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Colic
- The gastro-intestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse
shows.
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Colt -
What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
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Contracted
Foot - The involuntary and instant reflex
of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
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Corn -
Small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of riding
boots.
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Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after they
administer electrolytes to their horse.
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Endurance
Ride - The end result
when your horse spooks and runs away with you.
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Equitation
- The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while
your horse tries to prance, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
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Feed - Expensive
substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.
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Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something
to chew on, scratch against and jump over.
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Flies - The excuse of choice
a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he
cannot be punished.
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Founder -
The discovery of your loose mare - some miles from your farm, usually
in a flower bed or cornfield, as in "Hey, I found'er!"
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Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when
returning home.
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Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse
horses.
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Girth
Sores - Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of
mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.
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Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse
and applying it to your own body.
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Hay - A green itchy material
that
collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
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Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while
working in the yard.
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Heaves - The act of unloading a
trailer full of
hay.
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Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after
his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
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Hock -
The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
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Hoof Pick - Useful,
curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of
your endurance shoes.
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Horse
Shoes - Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to
throw.
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Inbreeding - The breeding results of
broken/inadequate paddock fencing.
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Jumping - The characteristic
movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves
trimmed.
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Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few
rides each year; can be a chronic condition in old or weak riders.
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Lead
Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns.
Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
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Lungeing - A
training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the
owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that
they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to eating.
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Overreaching
- A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit
cards are in by the end of show season.
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Parasites
- Small children who get in your way when you work in the yard.
Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
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Pinto -
A colourful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and
sparkling clean grey horse that was left unattended in his stable for
ten minutes.
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Race -
What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
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Rasp - An abrasive,
long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
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Reins - Break-away device used to tie horses with.
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Saddle - An
expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense
of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
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Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the
weekend at a ride.
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Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare
owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost
sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like
waking state. Can last several weeks.
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Splint - An apparatus that can be
applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of
a horse and his passenger.
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Tack Room - A room where every item
necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place where
it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
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Twisted Gut - The feeling
deep inside that most riders get before a ride starts.
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Versatility
- An owner's ability to shovel manure, fix fences and chase down a
loose horse in one afternoon.
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Weaving
- The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the road with a
rambunctious horse in it.
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Whip Marks
- The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider-caused by the
trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging branch go.
(Also caused by a swishing wet or dry horse tails across the face while cleaning
hooves.)
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Vet Catalogue -
An illustrated brochure provided to horse owners that features a wide
array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped
from a company's inventory.
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Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a
man riding bareback.
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Yearling - The age at which all horses completely
forget the things you taught them previously.
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Young stock - A general
term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but
not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.